Boomstick: Bounty hunting, one of the most respected and fun jobs in the world. Wiz: I don’t know about respected, but certainly a daring profession only for the strong and bold. Boomstick: Boba Fett, the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy. Wiz: And Samus Aran, a hunter so determined she’ll sacrifice a planet to reach her goal. Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick. Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win… a Death Battle. Wiz: Boba Fett is unnatural in more ways than one. He was not born into the galaxy, rather, created, as a clone of the fearsome bounty hunter Jango Fett. Boomstick: Not fearsome enough, though. He tended to get ahead of himself…He he he… Wiz: As his “father”, Jango taught Boba all he knew about his profession and despite being orphaned at age ten, Boba continued to live the hunter’s life, eventually donning his father’s armor and claiming his rightful place as the greatest bounty hunter in the galaxy. Boomstick: Complete with the most badass space-suit ever, his Mandalorian armor. It’s got a micro energy field that disperses impacts, and is made up of Mandalorian iron. Wiz: Okay, I think at this point, it’s safe to assume every universe has some metal stronger than titanium. Though, to this one’s credit, it’s actually a lot heavier, sacrificing mobility for durability. In fact, it’s so durable it resists lightsabers… you know, the swords that can cut through anything. Boomstick: His gauntlets house a flamethrower, fibercord whip, and numerous concussion and stun missiles. But his weapon of choice is his EE-3 carbine rifle, which Fett often cradles like a child. There there, EE. Daddy’s here. Killin’ time’s soon. Wiz: That’s… creepy. Boomstick: However, my favorite thing in Boba’s bag is his badass jetpack. Wiz: Which he uses for short-range travel, and to gain a mobility advantage over his foes. While it can only hold enough fuel for a single minute’s worth of flight, its velocity reaches up to 90 miles per hour. Boomstick: The jetpack also has a single anti-vehicle homing missile, because when you’ve got space for a missile, why not? Wiz: In short, Boba Fett is a human Swiss army knife. He’s killed hundreds of criminals, politicians, and Jedi, and battled Mace Windu to a draw when he was only 12 years old. Boomstick: An accomplishment so manly, it instantly kick-started his puberty. Wiz: But for all his skill, Fett has one great, inescapable weakness: the Sarlacc Pit. This flaw is so unavoidable, he was knocked into the pit by a blind and physically drained Han Solo while wearing a jetpack. Boomstick: And since Disney bought Star Wars and nixed the expanded universe, this is where Boba Fett’s story officially ends. Wiz: But that’s stupid, so here’s what happened in the expanded universe! Wiz: Using a combination of his jetpack and blowing himself up, Fett actually escaped the Sarlacc. He later became leader of the Madalorian warriors after the Galactic Civil War, and even held his own against Darth Vader… twice. Boomstick: While using one of several lightsabers he’s taken from his Jedi kills, and that’s pretty goddamn impressive, but you know what’s even more impressive? The time he trained Han Solo’s Jedi daughter so that she could kill an evil all-powerful Sith Lord who just so happened to be her own brother! Spoilers Unfortunately, Fett’s greatest weakness still remains that toothy sand vagina. Wiz: He has fallen into the Sarlacc a total of three times. Three! And the Sarlacc’s not exactly running around looking for snacks. It’s a friggin’ hole in the ground! Boomstick: And again, he can fly! Fun fact: Every year following his escape, Boba Fett returns to the planet Tattooine just to shoot the Sarlacc. In his spaceship. From orbit. He’s learned his lesson, he’s staying as far away from that shit as he possibly can. Wiz: Fear of teethy holes aside, few have survived once he’s set his sights on them. Boba Fett is a whole new meaning of deadly. Darth Vader: No disintegrations. Boba Fett: As you wish. Wiz: When she was young, Samus Aran lived with her family on Earth colony K-2L until one fateful day it was sacked by an army of Space Pirates led by the vile Ridley, a giant purple space dragon. Boomstick: Ridley murdered her parents right in front of her along with the rest of the planet. Literally everyone except for Samus. So PTSD therapists were in pretty short supply. Wiz: Thankfully, Samus was rescued by the Chozo, bird-like aliens who raised her to become a warrior. She was infused with Chozo DNA, increasing her strength, speed, and athletic ability far beyond those of a normal human being. Boomstick: So… does she like… now have a bad habit of pecking at food and shitting on peoples’ cars? Wiz: No. She wears the Power Suit, typically in Varia form, shielding her entire body without restricting any movement or flexibility. Boomstick: Too bad it makes her look like a dude. Wiz: Though underneath, she wears the skintight Zero Suit… Boomstick: There we go! They must call it that because there’s literally zero left to the imagination. While in that Zero Suit, she carries a paralyzer pistol, a gun which can… well… paralyze people. And turn into a laser whip. Wiz: But she definitely prefers the Power Suit in most combat situations. As a modified version of Chozo battle armor developed specifically for Samus, it can also be upgraded to adapt to any environment. Boomstick: Samus carries the powerful Arm Cannon as her primary weapon and she’s found quite a few upgrades for it over the years. Though the basic Power Beam is a peashooter. When you charge it up, it’ll blow your face clean off. She can also set it to blast an Ice Beam, Grapple Beam, and tons of seeking and Super Missiles. Wiz: Her Chozo training lets Samus control the skies with the speedy Screw Attack and curl into her Morph Ball form to traverse places few others can. Boomstick: How the hell does she do that? Wiz: Bird DNA, Boomstick. Bird DNA Boomstick: Yeah, because we all know how many times you scare a bird in the parking lot and then it just curls up into a ball and zooms away. Wiz: ALIEN bird DNA. Boomstick: Well then F that planet and its birds. But I do like their Power Bombs… which Samus carries and can be used to destroy anything in the general vicinity in seconds. Wiz: Samus is known as a bounty hunter capable of taking on impossible missions, fighting massive beasts, and even wiping out an entire species. Boomstick: All but one. Talk about having the rarest pet in the universe. And it makes a cute hat! Wiz: However, she often makes mistakes. Somehow, she always seems to lose all her power-ups and upgrades at the beginning of every mission. Boomstick: How has she not gotten a purse yet? Wiz: Well even when she does have all her arsenal at her disposal, it doesn’t guarantee its use. For example, she once entered a volcano and did not activate her thermal systems until halfway through the mission. All because she was waiting for permission. Boomstick: Ugh, can we please not talk about that game? Wiz: But don’t worry. Samus has proven time and time again to be one of the deadliest hunters in the galaxy. Outlaws everywhere fear the name of Samus Aran. Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle! REMASTERED! Wiz: Fett put up a fight to the best of his ability, but Samus’ superior technology and athletic skill trumped him in every way. Boomstick: While Fett may be more durable and physically stronger, Samus has dealt with foes like that all her life. Wiz: Boba Fett really didn’t have the means necessary to catch Samus, let alone perfectly counter Samus’ Power Bombs, Screw Attack, and Ice Beam. Boomstick: Sure, Boba’s killed plenty of Jedi and survived a run-in with Vader, but his greatest victories usually stem from his cunning. He’s a master of playing his enemies into his hands. Wiz: But when it comes to Samus, Fett had little to work with. Samus specifically modeled her bounty hunter career around anonymity. She’s even commonly mistaken as a man by the very people who want to hire her, making it extremely difficult for Fett to get a read on her. Boomstick: Fett just couldn’t keep his head in the game. Wiz: The winner is Samus Aran.