Wiz-
A good Martial Artist does not become tense, but ready. Not thinking, yet not dreaming. Ready for whatever may come. Boomstick-
Buuut some fighters are dumb enough to ignore the legendary Bruce Lee’s words. Like Hercule Satan, the World Martial Arts Champion. Wiz-
And Dan Hibiki, the Saikyou Street Fighter. Boomstick-
He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick. Wiz-
And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle! Wiz-
The Earth was in danger. The future of mankind threatened by a monster named Cell. All would be lost unless a hero could best him in the ring of champions. Boomstick-
The hope of the world lay on the shoulders, and Afro, of one man. Hercule Satan! *Hercule gets smacked into a mountain by Cell* Yeaaah, we’re screwed. Wiz-
Officially, Mr. Satan is the World Martial Arts Champion, and chosen savior of humanity. Or so he would have you believe. Boomstick- Hey, if I could lie THAT well,I’d make everybody think I’m king of the world too. Or even… GOD. *Evil laugh* Wiz-
But before he was the hero of the people, Mr. Satan went by… Mark. Eager to learn, Mark sought to master the art of combat. Boomstick-
Young Mark honed his skills in the dojo Satan Castle, which sounds AWESOME but sadly, no, he was not actually trained by the devil. I looked it up. Wiz-
Turns out, he was actually gifted in Martial Arts. Mostly due to his strangely good luck. Boomstick-
Yeah, like when he won his first World Championship after his rival got food poisoning. THAT’S NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL! Wiz-
Victory at hand, Mark took the stage name Mr. Satan in honor of his dojo, and to sound better for the cameras. His victories and explosive personality quickly rocketed him to a life of wealth, fame and luxury. Boomstick-
Which almost came to an end when he hand his master got drunk and made fun of some random guy’s ponytail. Turns out, this random guy just so happened to be a super-powered, immortal mercenary, who then murdered his master. Remember, kids, sticks and stones may break your bones, but words should NEVER be used against a tree-surfing murderer! Wiz-
From that day forwards, Mr.Satan swore he would never fight anyone whose identity was a secret or who seemed out of his league. Boomstick-
Seemed to forget about that when Cell showed up. Anyways, somewhere along the line, Mr.Satan married a lady named Miguel and after a round or two in the ovarian ring, had a daughter.
Oh, and then his wife died. Wiz-
WOW. C’mon Boomstick, show some tact. AHEM. Despite his grief, Mr. Satan never let his loss interrupt his… lifestyle. Boomstick- He filled the hole in his life the only way he knew how- with more martial arts! He mastered techniques like his Dynamite Kick and Megaton Punch which sounds like they would make you explode or something epic like that… Wiz-
Buuut they’re actually just regular kicks and punches. He really only named them so he could scream awesome words while fighting. Hey, this is anime, after all. Boomstick-
I feel more than a little underwhelmed by this guy right now. Wiz-
Well, Mr. Satan’s Techniques were enough for him to legitimately win the 24th World Martial Arts Tournament, becoming champion of the world and chosen savior to battle Cell. But we already know how that went. Boomstick-
Heh. I could watch that over and over. In fact… Heh heh heh. Get away from me, bitch. Wiz- Mr. Satan actively avoids fighting those who clearly outclass him, mostly to save his own reputation. Boomstick-
The first time he saw people flying and shooting beams from their hands, he thought it was a bunch of cheap tricks and pyrotechnics. Even after seeing the most epic Kamehameha beam struggle of all time, he still denied everything. Hercule-
It’s a trick! All a trick, I swear! Some day I’ll bring it all to light! I will! Random guy-
I can’t believe you’re still saying that! Boomstick-
But, just in case he finds himself in over his head, Mr.Satan is packing an assortment of capsules containing jet packs, disguised explosives, and even missile launchers. Man, if those existed in real life, it would be a TSA nightmare. Wiz-
If there’s anything he’s good at, it’s public performance. He often weasels his way out of dangerous scenarios with lame excuses like faking stomachaches, and somehow the entire world buys his crap every single time. Hercule-
I did it! For years I’ve been trying to perfect a variation of the Megaton Punch that uses latent energy to cause a delayed reaction to catch my opponent off guard! Boomstick- When in doubt, work the crowd. I love ALL OF YOU! Wiz-
Who are you talking to? Boomstick-
EVERY. SINGLE. ONE OF YOU.
Like and Subscribe! Wiz-
Mr. Satan is a master of deception, an excellent actor… and a complete fraud. Still, he is strong enough to rip three phone books in half and pull four buses by himself. And once he actually moved faster than the untrained eye can see… …but forgot bullets move fast too. Boomstick-
Well, if I have to say something nice about the guy, at least he’s not Yamcha. Wiz-Mr. Satan has won the World Martial Arts Tournament upwards of 26 times, although only one of them was legitimate. Boomstick-
Yeah, the other times he rigged it by having Mr. Buu kick everyone’s ass then lose to him on purpose. Wiz-
Still, it’s pretty impressive he managed to befriend one of the most dangerous and untamed monsters in the Dragon Ball universe. Boomstick-
Oh, and one time he convinced the whole world’s population to stick their hands in the air and wave ’em around like they just don’t care, but whatever. Wiz-
Boomstick, that saved the world. Boomstick-
Eh. Wiz-
Mr. Satan is motivated by three things: money, fame and his daughter, who he seems to prize above all else. Boomstick-
He may be a bit of a con artist, but no matter what he’s up against, Mr. Satan still finds a way to rise above his fears through his own bravery. Wait, did I just say bravery? I meant thick-headedness and straight up stupidity. Hercule-
Oh… the pain! Owww! Wiz-
Conceptualized in retaliation of SNK’s blatant ripoff of Capcom’s characters, Dan Hibiki was always meant to be a complete joke. Boomstick-
Dan had no natural talent in fighting people, But his father Go Hibiki was a martial arts master with his own dojo. Wiz- One day, Go’s dojo was visited by Sagat, an enforcer of the crime syndicate Shadaloo. As an advocate of justice, Go refused to be intimidated by the crime lord, and stood up to him the only way he knew how. Boomstick-
BY KICKING HIS FREAKING EYE OUT! …Then Sagat brutally beat him to death in front of his own son. That should teach you to mess with a 7’4 Muay Thai monster! Wiz-
It didn’t. Enraged and distraught, Dan swore he would avenge his father’s death. To do so, he sought out a legendary dojo hidden in the wilderness of Japan. Boomstick- This thing is more elusive than child support to my ex. Movie Ryu-
Seems like the more we spend here, questions arise. Movie Ken- Yeah… Like who the hell’s Dan? Wiz-
Against all odds, Dan found it. He was trained by its master Gouken, the same mentor who taught Ryu and Ken such legendary techniques as the Hadoken and the Shoryuken. Dan began the difficult journey of mastering use of ki as a weapon of justice. Boomstick-
Until Gouken expelled him because he just… he just sucked. Wiz-
Well, technically it was because Gouken didn’t want his training only used for revenge, buut let’s face it, he knew he was wasting his time. Boomstick-
However, Dan’s determination for vengeance continued. He took the little he had learned from Gouken and ironically combined it with some Muay Thai. Wiz-
This became his very own fighting martial art, the Saiykou Ryuu fighting style. Boomstick-
Unfortunately, while that sounds awesome, it didn’t really work out. Wiz-
Dan’s fighting style is… well, it sucks! It’s awful! There’s absolutely nothing redeemable about it! I mean, he can use special moves such as the Koryuken and the Dankukyaku… Boomstick-
Which are like the dollar-store versions of awesome stuff like the Shoryuken and Tatsumak- Whatever it’s called. Wiz-
Also, DANkukyaku? Did he SERIOUSLY name one of his moves after HIMSELF? Boomstick-
Yeah, he’s pretty full of himself, which is why the Saikyou style’s strongest technique is excessive taunting. He can taunt while jumping, somehow increasing his air time. And by focusing all of his energy at once, Dan can perform a taunt so fearsome, it will shock and amaze all who witness it just by being the most worthless thing they’ve ever seen. This… is the Legendary Taunt. Dan-
Here I come! Dan-
Ora Ora! What’s the problem? Don’t underestimate me! I’m awesome! Wahoo! Piece of Cake! Wiz-
Now Dan can manifest his ki into a fireball projectile called the Gadoken. In a way, the Gadoken is symbolic of Dan himself. Boomstick-
Yeah, it’s tiny, pathetic and doesn’t last very long. Wiz-
Despite this, Dan eventually tracked down his father’s killer, and offered to make his left eye match his right. In turn, Sagat politely offered to reunite father and son. The long awaited clash of fists began, a clash in which Dan was bent on retribution. Boomstick-
Buut… OH SHIT HE WON?! Wiz-
Yes. Dan finally achieved the recompense he had sought for so long and trained his entire life for… Because Sagat threw the fight in pity. Wiz-
Completely unaware of his luck and now confident he was one of the strongest in the world, Dan founded his own dojo to unfortunately teach other people his worthless martial art. Boomstick-
Thanks, Sagat. Not only have you killed this man’s father but you’re ruining other kid’s lives now too. Wiz- You’ll be happy to know that not many students actually enrolled in his class… because he kept forgetting to pay his phone bill and did not include his dojo’s address in his commercials. Boomstick-
Heh heh. Classic Dan. By the way, what’s up with the pink gi? Wiz-
Well, it was originally white, but then he accidentally washed it with colours. Boomstick-
Jesus Christ. Wiz-
Okay, okay. Making fun of Dan is fun and all, but let’s be honest, he’s not a COMPLETE pushover. He can take down multiple thugs at once, and even endured a beating from Ryu and Ken simultaneously. No matter how many times he falls, Dan will always get right back up. Boomstick-
And remember how Gouken rejected him because of his thirst for vengeance? That’s because Dan can actually tap into the Satsui no Hadou. The evil, deadly energy that transformed Gouken’s brother Akuma into an Island-smashing murderer. Wiz-
We’re not joking here. Once Dan DID access his Satsui no Hadou to use the dreaded Raging Demon, a move which obliterates the victim’s soul. Boomstick-
Damn! If Dan can do it, I can do it too! Watch out Wiz, here it comes. Arrgh! Augh, shit! Fell on my keys! Wiz-
But more often than not Dan’s a klutz whose overconfident taunting gets him into trouble. He is his own worst enemy. Boomstick-
But even after crying like a baby after stubbing his toe, Dan doesn’t let any of it keep him down for long. After all, who else with carry on the heroic legacy of Go Hibiki? Dan-
Koryuken- FATHEEEEEER! Wiz-
Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all! Boomstick- But first, your face is in danger and only I can save it! Announcer- For our next round, our beloved savior of mankind, Hercule Satan! Hercule-
Yeah! Announcer- And the challenger, the infamous creator of the Saikyou Arts, Dan Hibiki! Dan-
Woohoo! Here I cooooome- AAARGH! Ow! Hercule-
Ha ha! Nice moves, Hibachi! How about you ring yourself out? Dan-You wish, chump! I hope you’re ready for a beating! FIGHT! Hercule-
Hah! A weakling like you stands no chance! Announcer-
It looks like Mr. Satan wants to end this quickly! Which of his captivating finishing moves will he use? Hercule-
Dynamite Kick! Dan-
OH MY GOD! Announcer-
What’s this? He’s avoided the champion’s most devastating attack! Hercule-
Uhhh.. Hah! I psyched him out! He’ll be too terrified to throw a single pu- Dan- Woohoo! Behold, the glorious Saikyou! Hercule-
W-woah… Wow… Dan-
And now, behold, my ultimate attack! SHINKUU… Hercule-
No… No, no, no! Is that what I think it is?! What do I do?! I could dive off the arena… say I slipped through my sheer muscle mass! Yeah! Holy crap, how long is this gonna take?! Dan- Gadoken! Hercule- Uhh… Yeah! I done it! After years of grueling training and exercise, those pathetic, lowly cheap tricks won’t work on me! Announcer:Astounding! Who knew the secret to countering such an attack was to act like a coward? Hercule-
Yeah- wait, what? Announcer-
What’s this? Is it just me or has Mr. Satan illegally smuggled weapons into the arena? Hercule-
Aw, crap! My backup plans! I can’t go out like this! Uhh… what? I’ve never seen these before! Obviously my challenger snuck them into my robe to get me disqualified! Can’t even face me like a man! Dan-
Oh, sweet! A jet pack! Hercule- WHAT? Dan-
Time for the next evolution of my martial art: ULTIMATE ROCKET BOOSTER SAIKYOU DOOM! Well, that’s disappointing- AAARGH!! Hercule-
Only one more capsule left, but I don’t remember what’s in it! Gotta think of something fast! This guy’s good- I can’t track his movements! Announcer-
What the heck- I mean, what a spectacle! What could the champ be planning? Dan-
Oh yeah! I gots this! Ah crap. Announcer-
I can’t believe it, folks! The match is still on! And Mr. Satan’s limitless tenacity has worn down the challenger. Hercule-
Ah ha! Yes, that’s right! I tired ’em out! Me! Mr. Satan! That was my plan all along! Dan-
What am I doing? I can’t lose to this joker… I have to win! FOR MY FATHEEER! DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! Aw, man! Hercule-
Watch closely, you’re about to witness the real deal! Announcer: It looks like this is the end! Hercule- Yeah! THIS. IS. OVER! Dan- Aw, ma- *explodes* Announcer:
Whoa! I’ve never seen anything like that! He punched him so hard he jumped into a Jukebox! It could only be the champ’s new technique, the Karaoke Punch! Hercule-
Oh my god, I can’t believe that happened. I need to change my pants. Announcer:
HERCULE SATAN! K.O.! Boomstick- Now he can disappoint his father in the afterlife. Wiz-
Hercule Satan and Dan Hibiki may be pretty pathetic in context, but keep in mind: before the Cell Saga, Mr. Satan was actually a legitimate world champion. Boomstick:
Unlike Dan who only has one confirmed win to his name and it was handed to him out of pity. Wiz-
And Mr. Satan has proven time and time again that he is stronger than the average athletic man. Boomstick-
He once pulled four tour buses which is nearly sixty tonnes, and then he punched through one of them! That’s a sheet of steel right there! Dan struggles to throw a single guy over his shoulders. Wiz-
Mr. Satan once broke through a tower of 19 tiles with a single chop, and is the only character in Dragon Ball history to have fought both Cell and Majin Buu… and not died. Boomstick-
Think about that. Wiz-
Dan’s ki attacks were his ace in the hole, but in true Hibiki fashion, it amounted to nothing but failure. Just like the time he managed to pull off the Raging Demon, only to be stopped by a high school girl’s backpack. Boomstick-
The ‘ki’ to Dan’s failure came from within. Wiz-
The winner is Hercule Satan. Boomstick- Next time on Death Battle!