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Honest Trailers – Spider-Man: Homecoming

August 15, 2019


Careful, viewer! My spoiler sense is tingling! Since 2002, we’ve had six movies, two reboots, and three Spider-Men Now just when audiences might be getting a little sick of the franchise, Marvel swoops in to deliver a crowd-pleasing comedy That’s gonna keep Spider-Man in theaters until the fuckin Sun burns out of the sky. Spider-Man Homecoming Tobey Maguire couldn’t keep it up, Andrew Garfield couldn’t get it started But Tom Holland hits the ground swinging in a great reboot that just assumes you’re all caught up on the MCU. Pretty sure this guy’s a war criminal now. but whatever. Complete with a glossed over origin story an Actor who doesn’t have premature old face and a villain who doesn’t already have some forced personal connection to Peter- Pan Liz’s dad All right two out of three ain’t bad Witness a brand new take on spider-man. He’s a millennial now who can’t stay off his phone Constantly blogs watches himself on YouTube and has zero patience for anything He’s got all of the usual spider skills plus a powerful new one never facing consequences for his actions Whether he’s getting away with ditching detention Hey where you going? Get back here quitting on his team? You can’t just quit on a stroll up and be welcome back welcome back Peter mostly imprisoning people Shinsuke ours is bad. It’s my car, dumbass Wrecking a car wrecking a store Wrecking a fairy or wrecking his girlfriend’s entire life You can be sure this web slinger will get off with no more than a stern talking-to You’re a good kid and you’re a smart kid so just try to keep your head straight. Okay. Okay, don’t get out here Well the older I get the more I relate to Jay Jonah Jameson. These are matters for the entire city You’ve seen him as Batman and Birdman Now prepare for Michael Keaton’s third winged creature role as the vulture. He’s a blue-collar guy who gets shafted by Stark Industries And instead of filing a lawsuit against a billionaire clearly in the wrong. He’ll build a giant bird mech jetpack, huh? You will be bored stiff when Vulture fights spider-man in bland CGI slugfests But genuinely scared when he’s just being Michael Keaton Are you scared? I’l bet you’re glad that your old pal spider-man showed up in the elevator though Sorry Uncle Ben and Richard Parker There’s a new absentee dad in town Tony Stark Iron Man is back as the drunk rich stepfather You’d expect him to be who will build you a killer robot suit? Activating instant kill send you into battle at 15 Then literally phone in his parents aid until you screw up enough to get his attention. Okay. It’s not working out I’m gonna need the suit back really Tony You just fought your best friend over keeping tabs on superheroes And you just let your pet superhero run a muck is anyone paying attention to the timeline any more? This is approaching x-men levels of Sloppy she sends Bishop back in time. No just his consciousness that’s all into his younger self Wow So enjoy another super smash hit who’s success was far from guaranteed with two competing studios spotting for control Six different screenwriters and a director with just two low-budget indies to his name dang It’s like Sony finally cracked the code on how to make the spider verse happen let Marvel do the work Starring: Tom Netherlands drunkle Stark only winners do drugs Chef The disembodied voice of Jennifer Connelly “you can call me Karen if you would like” Marisa To-may vulture or the unexpected virtue of casting Michael Keaton technically in the movie Tony ravioli, Mary Pixie Jane girl Hey there, Martin Starr now. Not not your Asian sidekick …And Wonder Woman? The Perks of Being a Wallcrawler Bold move putting a set piece in an elevator shaft spider-man can’t catch a break with that “I like bread” “beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice!” “Darkness falls across the land the midnight hour is close at hand!” “I’m David pumpkins. Any questions?” “Halloween the night he came home”

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