I sexually identify as an attack helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads… …on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible and I’m fucking retarded. But I don’t care… …I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire Missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege Thank you for being so understanding.