Some of the most popular kinds of games are First-Person shooter games. And the granddaddy of the entire FPS genre has to be DOOM by ID Software here. This game is an absolute blast – you get to carry a ton of weapons. You get a pistol, a shotgun, plasma rifle, rocket launcher – you name it. The only problem is: when you’re using one of the weapons… they never really bother to explain where the other weapons go. Hmmm… [Immersion Intro Music] Burnie: And so I thought, “What better way to test the inventory systems of First-Person Shooter games, – than to come out here to the ass crack in the world – and run two idiots through an obstacle course?
Geoff: What? Hey, what’s up, two idiots? Geoff: Shut up.
Gus: Fuck you. Oh, stop whining. We haven’t done anything to you yet. Burnie: Alright, so once again I asked Griffin,
Griffin: Howdy! To come out and figure out a way to equip these guys to fend off a demonic invasion of Mars. Burnie: Whaddaya’ got?
Griffin: Got some armor… Burnie: Safety first, as always.
Griffin: Right, next we have a pistol. Burnie: Okay – so we’re gonna abandon safety right away. Griffin: And then down the line, we have the shotgun…
Burnie: Shotgun? Alright… Griffin: Next, and then we have a Double-Barreled Shotgun. Burnie: Ah – from DOOM 2 – the Double-Barreled Shotgun, okay. Griffin: And then, next, we have a Chaingun.
Burnie: Wow, okay. Griffin: And we have a Rocket Launcher, with rockets, and here we have the Plasma Gun. Burnie: Plasma Gun, or as I’d like to call it, “Number 6 from DOOM”. Griffin: And then we have the B.F.G..
Burnie: B.F.G. 9000… Wow. Burnie: And as we all know, B.F.G. stands for really, really, fucking heavy gun. Wow, that IS heavy, yikes. Griffin: Alright, and then finally, we have a Chainsaw.
Burnie: Gas-Powered Chainsaw – No FPS soldier’s complete without one. Burnie: O-kay, so now, all we have to do is figure out how to get all of this, onto one of those. No-no, YOU guys. Yeah.
You might wanna, like, stretch. [Intrumental Epic Music Cues In] Gus: I’s — I used to play football in high school!
These are pads, it’s what we call them. [Intrumental Epic Music Continues] Gus: (Exhales Sharply) Burnie: How you feeling?
Gus: (Winded) Ha-aah… Burnie: Ready for – Ready for action?
Gus: (Incredulously) What? Burnie: Ready to save the universe?
Gus: This is it! – it’s just an inventory test… Gus: I carried it!
Burnie: For when we o – open portal hell – Nope – Burnie: We’re gonna run the obstacle course.
(New Instance) Alright doesn’t seem, like, there’s Something can I – like – OH MY GOD THERE’S A DISGUSTING FAT DEMON, LOOK AT THAT THING! OH GROSS, IT’S IN A YELLOW SHIRT! TERRIBLE! KILL IT! (Snickering) Burnie: Alright, you ready?
Geoff: Yeap. Burnie: Let’s go. (Laughter) Burnie: (Inaudible)
Geoff: This is just what it was like to be in the army! Burnie: Is it?
Geoff: Yeah, it’s no different. Burnie: Let’s go to the obstacle course, then. You lead the way. You’re shedding rounds, my friend! Griffin: So, we set up a hundred-yard obstacle course.
Burnie: I love it – it’s got abandoned cars, ditches, thorns – very post-apocalyptic. Griffin: So our two test subjects will start at opposite ends and race each other to the center. Burnie: Right, the feasibility that we’re trying to test here is whether or not they can move quickly with all this gear on top of them.
Griffin: Right. Burnie: Okay, good test.
Are you guys ready?! set! GO! [Other Epic Instrumental Music Cues In] Burnie: Gus?! Go – Go! Gus, MOVE, GO! Burnie: (Laughing) Man – man down! Man down! Get up!
Griffin: (Laughing) Gus: Help… [Other Epic Instrumental Music resumes]
Geoff: This is so heavy, oh my God… (Sharp Exhale) Gus: NO – I can do it! … I can do it – I’m fine!
Burnie: Get up! Burnie: Gus, get up – come on!
He’s like a turtle – look at him – he’s like, he’s just rocking back and forth!
Griffin: (Laughing) (Inaudible) Gus: I need some turkey!
Turkey, stat! [Other Epic Instrumental resumes again] Geoff: (Groans) This is the crappiest… tree I have ever seen… (Panting) Geoff: Did it! Told you it was easy… Gus: I’m gonna make it… Burnie: Okay, so: results – Geoff; You finished the course in, about what… Geoff: I think it was, like five minutes. Burnie: Gus; you did not even, really START the course ever, we’re not really sure what happened there. Gus: That was uh… Bad footing.
Burnie: Bad footing? Gus: Yeah.
Burnie: You had bad feet – attached to bad legs? Gus: It’s all there.
Burnie: It all makes sense now – Uh, Geoff? Big winner, wins science for the day – congratulations to Geoff, and Gus, even though you lost, you’re a good lab rat, so we have a consolation prize – we have a pellet(?) for you out there. Gus: Is that a beer?
Burnie: It is. Gus: Nice! See ya, sucker! Burnie: YOU get to fire a Rocket Launcher.
Geoff: This thing fires? Burnie: Oh yeah, that’s the business end – just point it and shoot. Just hit the tire underneath Gus’ beer. Burnie: Ready?
Geoff: I guess so… Gus: Hey – wait, what’s that?
(Death Scream) Next week on Immersion.
(Door creaks open) Burnie: (Whispering) Guuus?
Good morning, Gus! How are you feeling? Are you ready for a little Immersion experiment this morning?
Gus: Muh(?) Burnie: (Laughing) Come on. Hey just (we?) (shi?), get out of the bed, sunshine. Get in the truck and come with us… I know you feel terrible, you feel bad cause’ you’ve been drinking tonight?
Gus: Mm-hmmm… Burnie: Don’t worry, we have something that will make you feel a LOT better. So, let’s get your clothes on and let’s go, you ready? Gus: Are… Are you in my house? Burnie: Tha- (Chuckling) THAT’S the spirit!